If they hate you, then you are right. What to do if everyone hates you? Advice, help and consultations from psychologists. What to do if you are hated at work What to do if you are hated

What to do if suddenly everyone at work begins to hate you.

There is no place for collectivists on the African savannah. It is more convenient to act on the principle of “every man for himself”: there is less responsibility. And if they eat it, no one will regret it. Therefore, zoologists were very surprised when they encountered the phenomenon of mobbing: an attack by a group of animals on a lonely fellow. Psychologists were even more amazed when they learned that mobbing is also present in human society. Moreover, according to statistics, it occurs in every fifth team. Our task is to warn you and arm you with the latest methods of combating this phenomenon.

You gradually begin to get used to the fact that not everyone adores you immediately after parting with diapers. Slurred words, awkward steps and a naive smile are not enough to cause a general outburst of delight and tenderness. At first, toys, natural charm help, then a sense of humor, money and, finally, professional skills. Everything that allows you to find a common language with friends, colleagues and superiors.

This works with varying degrees of success, but the real surprise comes when even the most positive traits and actions instead of admiration cause irritation and even hatred. It is quite possible that these are the first signs of mobing, or simply bullying. Its goal is to survive a person from the team, completely erasing him from the staffing table and the list of employees.

Occasion

To get on the list of enemies, you don’t have to spill carrot juice on a co-worker or trip him in the hallway. He will do everything necessary for you himself. He will look at your payroll to compare your salary with his, or he will hear you flirting with the secretary to whom he wanted to propose marriage. You can cross someone else's path by simply getting a position that one of the old-timers of the company has been counting on for a long time.

There is only one result: the offended person begins to hatch insidious plans for revenge. If he enjoys formal or informal authority in the team, the rest of his colleagues quickly unite around him, and revenge becomes everyone’s business.

Methodology

The imagination of Mobers is limited by the degree of their intellectual development. And, of course, official position.

It is not recommended to hire the general director of the company as the main spiteful critic: the persecution will be ridiculously short. The most common mobbing weapon is as banal as it is effective. This is gossip that is carefully cultivated and spread through curious ears. It is enough to appear in the office with circles under your eyes, and a rumor will immediately spread among your colleagues that you have been drinking for the fifth day, mixing single malt whiskey with Zhiguli beer.

If you drive up to the office in a new car, you will immediately be labeled as a bribe-taker and destined for a dizzying criminal career. Another option for mobbing is petty sabotage. It can be obvious - bent paper clips in a table, sharp buttons on a chair, or a virus launched into your computer. Hidden sabotage is the most dangerous. This is when you think that your instructions are being followed, but instead of results you get round eyes and complaints of multiple sclerosis and early Alzheimer's.

The mobsters will do everything to pin this miscalculation on you and report it to management. Even if you manage to prove your innocence, the residue will remain.

Bottom line

All these efforts will lead to the fact that any of your actions will be assessed negatively. Didn't stay after work? Does not care about the interests of the company. Remained? Can't cope with work during regular hours. In general, your every breath will be accompanied by criticism and minor quibbles, which will only grow over time. If you are mobbed, you will quickly find yourself in social isolation. Psychologists note that in such situations a person quickly loses his bearings and becomes increasingly helpless and insecure. Chronic stress and accompanying symptoms are formed - headache, insomnia, circulatory disorders, etc. At work, everything falls out of hand, any enthusiasm completely disappears.

As a result, it is easier to change jobs than to continue working in such conditions.

Actions

To clearly understand what you have to fight with, imagine that you are walking near a group of Spartak fans. At the same time, you are dressed in a red and blue color scheme. For the purity of the experiment, you can mentally shout: “CSKA is the champion.” You need to decide whether to run away or fight very quickly; fortunately, you only need to evaluate two things. First, your strengths: are you ready to fight alone against the team? Secondly, how much do you love and value your football team (or workplace): is it worth starting a war over?

If the answer to at least one of these questions is negative, the best option is to write a letter of resignation. It is unlikely that anyone will blame you for cowardice or lack of will for refusing to fight an aggressive crowd for an empty idea. If you are determined to fight, take our advice into account.

Get vindictive

If, with a sufficient level of anger, you complain about a bad memory, start writing down all the insults inflicted on you. Keep a diary for this purpose. So write: “Today at 11:24 Ivanov insidiously stepped on my foot, after which he laughed in my face. Bastard." German psychologists advise doing this.

Recorded attacks will help assess the strength of the opponents, understand who exactly belongs to them, what the role of each person involved is, and whether the attack can be called well-planned and systematic. In addition, having before your eyes the actual scheme of military operations, you will be able to develop a set of response measures.

Identify the instigator

Almost certainly the initiative comes (or originally came) from one person. Perhaps, even without analyzing your records, you will be able to identify him - most likely, this is the one with whom you have an unresolved conflict. Now is the time to try to establish contact with the ringleader and eliminate the quarrel. Perhaps a confidential or, conversely, tough conversation will help out. If the instigator is a truly authoritative person, the mobbing should come to naught.

Find the "weak link"

In ancient Roman stadiums, even after the most boring fights, there were citizens who raised their thumbs up out of a desire to save the lives of careless gladiators. Among your attacking colleagues, there will probably also be those who deep down sympathize with you and remain silent during the discussion of your new polka dot tie. By getting close to them, you will practically introduce a saboteur behind enemy lines. From now on, when talking about your odious person, sometimes approving voices will be heard.

Find fellow sufferers

It is likely that you are not the only one who is being mobbed in your friendly team. If one of your colleagues is also constantly forced to endure attacks and provocations from colleagues, you and he will probably have a couple of common topics of conversation. It is unlikely that you will be able to form an invincible alliance, but at least you will have a psychological outlet that will help you cope with other problems faster.

Eliminate errors at work

Even if the office has turned into a psychological battlefield for you, this does not mean that you need to forget about work. Your opponents are just waiting for you, carried away by the confrontation with them, to begin to ignore your immediate responsibilities. Believe me, run to your boss shouting: “Ivanov again failed to supply pumps to the regions!” - will be the greatest joy for them. It is clearly in your best interest to avoid this. Having started a war with colleagues who dislike you, work as if your life directly depends on it. By the way, in a sense this is true.

Appeal to the strong

Any competent manager understands that mobbing in his team is harmful to business. Naturally, he will try to prevent it. Therefore, after a particularly insidious provocation, do not hesitate to draw the boss’s attention to it. Most likely, he will intervene (unless, of course, he is the main mobster, although in this case you are already looking for a new job). And in general, since they are trying in every possible way to denigrate you in front of your superiors, at the first opportunity, demonstrate your whiteness and fluffiness. But it is better to avoid retaliatory attacks towards colleagues - even in war, not all means are good.

Prevention

Having achieved a more or less high position, you actually exclude yourself from the number of potential targets of mobing. However, looking down on the mouse fuss of your subordinates is the worst thing a boss can do. Mobbing is detrimental to the team as a whole. Talking about work in conditions when most of the employees are busy spreading rumors and weaving intrigues is simply pointless. Therefore, to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of mobing in the team entrusted to you, take into account the following.

Get rid of thieves

If you can somehow influence the selection of personnel, introduce a strict taboo on hiring relatives and old friends of your employees. The presence of clans naturally leads to the emergence among them of a sense of their own elitism and impunity. Practice shows that it is among such harmonious “infighters” that Mober initiatives most often arise. True, the situation can turn out exactly the opposite: a relative hired will fill a vacancy that one of the “veterans” has long dreamed of. He will lead the team in an attack on the newcomer.

Enter communism

We do not urge you to build a society of general prosperity in a single team. Just try to provide your subordinates with more or less equal working conditions and pay. For example, do not allow employees to receive new office chairs with a back massager and a built-in coffee maker one by one: “upgrade” all workstations at the same time. Make it as difficult as possible for employees to learn about payroll numbers. Finally, avoid having favorites, especially female ones, or at least keep your favorites secret.

Provide access to information

If some information about the affairs of the company is not intended for a limited circle of users, for example, top management, it should be truly publicly available. Various kinds of meetings, planning meetings and meetings help make them so. All this makes it possible to keep hundreds of mines up to date with the main information flows. As a result, there is no select caste in the team that learns important information before others. And he strives to abuse this in every possible way.

RISK GROUP

If you fall into one of these categories, the likelihood of being mobbed increases dramatically.

External employee
Serfdom We abolished it more than 150 years ago, but it is still customary to repurchase especially valuable souls. Such an employee in a new place receives privileges in at least three parameters: salary, attention from superiors and hostility from colleagues.

Inexperienced beginner
If you did not serve in the army and avoided hazing, at your first job you will probably have to taste all its delights with interest. This, of course, is not exactly mobing, but it may also make you think about quitting.

Pensioner
“Make way for the young!” Hiding behind such a life-affirming slogan, comrades aged 50 and older are accused of multiple sclerosis, senile dementia, lack of modernity and other traits incompatible with work activity. If you happen to be such a pensioner and do not occupy the chair of a director or minister, mobbing towards you is almost inevitable.

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What to do if they hate you? Do you consider yourself a bad person? This means that it is quite natural that everyone will hate you. Why be surprised? You deserve it - you'll get it! Do you consider yourself a good man? Many even openly and completely sincerely tell you the same thing? Wonderful! But be prepared for the fact that even those who sincerely consider you a ray of light in this corrupt and embittered world will feel hatred towards you.

The thing is that even the saints and the kindest people in history always had “well-wishers” who hated them with fierce hatred.

No matter how much you improve yourself, grow personally and spiritually, there will always be those who do not appreciate your efforts and efforts in this direction, wanting with all their might to expose you and prove that you are definitely not who you are trying to pretend to be. So is it really possible to do nothing then and plunge headlong into all the serious things? Not certainly in that way.

WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE HATES?

1. The more evil you do to others, the harder it will hit you, in one form or another, personally, on you, your children, grandchildren... You may not believe it, but for thousands of years people have repeatedly been convinced of the truth of this statement. After all, it’s unlikely that you, being in your right mind, would ask the question “why does everyone hate me” if you knew perfectly well that you were bringing nothing but evil to others. Conclusion: change yourself - then you will save yourself and your descendants from many of the problems that you caused.

But what to do when you really try to bring light and goodness to the world, but they do everything to ensure that you have little success with it? You can’t beat them down for the fact that they are simply used to hating someone, no matter - with or without reason... Change all ill-wishers? Perhaps, just don’t overestimate your strengths, since it will be incredibly difficult to do this, and all this energy could be used much more effectively for personal success.

There are 2 options for behavior. The only question is which one to choose as optimal in each individual case.

2. Not everyone is on the same path...

If you carefully analyze your immediate environment, you will most likely find that you are clearly not on the same path with all of them. Some “friends” simply don’t like you, while others outright hate you or can’t stand you.

What's the point of trying to pretend that you like them and you don't notice "anything"? Politely in your surroundings, you will certainly feel some inexplicable lightness in your soul and heart. After all, it is much easier to create and create when you do not feel constant discomfort when communicating with some “well-wishers” who are frankly irritated by your successes.

3. If, for various reasons, it is not possible to do this in the foreseeable future, then, as far as possible, become as insensitive and thick-skinned as possible to the “important”. The majority, in this case, is a gray mass of slackers, onlookers and losers, some of whom hate you or dislike you, but with whom you get to somehow interact. If you can’t quickly transform them into a minority, then at least weaken their not very constructive influence on yourself.

Do you have a goal, a wonderful dream? So, go to it boldly, not paying attention to the angry hiss of those for whom it is clearly in their throats and, even more so, to whom it definitely will not add happiness when you reach it. Will they be upset about this? Their problems!

It is important to know one pattern: when someone hates you, he or she causes the greatest damage to themselves, in the form of gradually weakening health, provided that you yourself are not involved in this.

Hatred is a strong feeling, it does not arise spontaneously, it is impossible not to notice it, and it is very difficult to get rid of it. Another thing is that people often experience completely different feelings, calling them hatred.

How to tell if someone hates you

In fact, most people are capable of subconsciously feeling the hatred experienced by another person. It is reflected in your attitude towards you, in every gesture and look. Therefore, it makes sense to turn to nonverbal communication. See if the person makes eye contact and how they talk to you. If your jaw is clenched during a conversation, and your smile (if there is one) looks strained, you can make a preliminary conclusion that they at least dislike you. At the same time, they say that the words of these people are literally saturated with poison, they speak harshly, rudely, even if they say completely neutral things.

Causes

A separate topic is manifestations of hostility on the part of a group of people. Here it must be said that collectively people do not like those who stand out from general ideas about how a representative of a certain society should look, behave and think. The underlying reasons may be envy, which arises if a person stands out in talent or appearance among others or, for example, dissatisfaction with behavior (admit to yourself whether you have ever offended people, ridiculed or set them up in some way).

What to do to correct the situation

When you have decided on the reasons for hatred, you need to determine a strategy for behavior in this situation. In fact, there are several ways to respond to hostility:

Ignoring. You leave everything as it is and simply do not pay attention to the current situation. Such an attitude is possible if the hostility of this person (people) does not affect you and does not at all interfere with effective interaction.
Confrontation. You also begin to hate and do everything to harm. Life according to the principle of “blood for blood.”
Conformism. You try with all your might to please people who dislike you, curry favor with them.
Cooperation. In this case, it will be expressed in the fact that you admit your wrongdoings if you are really guilty, and your “enemy” does the same, and in the future you are in the relationship in which you are comfortable (it is not necessary to start loving each other).

Of course, from the point of view of psychological health and constructive behavior, the latter method is considered the most suitable. However, no one obliges you to start a dialogue right now. To begin with, you can tune in positively towards the person, for this you can try to say a few affirmations, and stop feeling disgusted towards him. You will see that gradually his attitude towards you will change.

Hello, dear readers! Today I would like to talk about what to do if you are hated. Conflicts at school, college, work or home can lead to serious communication problems. How not to give in to provocations and remain a happy person. What could be the reason for hatred? Why do those around you behave this way?

Kingdom of Hate

Hatred is a very strong feeling. It knows no pity and consumes everything in its path. People who experience such strong feelings may not notice anything around them except the object of hatred. Every person has experienced the full power of hatred at least once in his life.

All people have certain characteristics that can cause negativity from others. In a group of people, it is common to be somewhere between an individual and part of a group. This is a certain component of a person. You are still you, but at the same time you are the same as everyone else in the group.

In addition, hatred can arise against a background of misunderstanding. When one person does not act as expected. Broken expectations may well give rise to strong negative emotions towards you.
Hatred can easily be spread in a group of people. If one finds an object for anger, then he will most often begin to look for people who will support him in this. Such singers, who themselves may not experience this feeling, but at the same time, for the sake of company, will terrorize a person.

Under the mask of hatred, a huge number of other emotions and feelings can be hidden. It’s not for nothing that they say that from love to hate there is only one step. If a person is important to you, then it’s worth trying to find out what might actually be hidden under anger.

Getting advice on how to deal with this situation depends on what you ultimately want to achieve. Let's take a closer look at this feeling in various stories.

Hate in educational institutions

In school or college, it’s essentially not very important. The principle there is very similar. There is a class or group in which there is often one student who becomes the object of ridicule. The principle of similarity of all members of the group comes into play here.
Classmates want to surround themselves with people they understand. They want to be like everyone else, albeit with differences. But the essence remains the same. In the class, it is customary for everyone to be one. The same thing happens in summer camps, boarding schools, outings and other gatherings of teenagers.

Children feel anger towards their peers when they are different from them. The so-called white crow. It is much easier to feel negative towards a person than to try to understand him. And at such a young age it is not yet entirely clear how, in general, to interact with people. You either like them or you don't. Teenagers love to measure everything in terms of “black” and “white.”

In such a situation, friends are very helpful. Who understand, support, and share your particular worldview. The person really needs support. And a friend is an integral part in this regard. If you don’t have friends at school or college, then you definitely need to find a place where you can meet like-minded people.
This could be an online community. Thanks to rapidly developing technology, we can easily communicate with people all over the planet. Take advantage of this achievement.

It’s better to simply ignore classmates who ruin your life. Go to school or college to gain knowledge. When you receive a certificate/diploma, you can easily forget all these unpleasant comrades. You should not respond to aggression, call names back, intrigue or take revenge. You will only waste your nerves. The best defense against hatred is to ignore this feeling in other people.

Work environment

Things are similar in the office. The white crow also becomes an object of ridicule and bullying among adults. In this matter there is not much difference between a teenager and an adult. Serious, independent people, like children, choose the tactic of attacking a person rather than trying to understand what is going on in his soul.

At work, in addition to the black sheep, hatred can be earned by a person who is a better professional. No one has yet canceled envy. Here comes a new employee. He immediately begins to work well, shows excellent results, his superiors praise him and support him in every possible way. But my colleagues look askance and whisper behind my back. Why?
One of the reasons for a bad work environment may be poor coordination of employees by management. The boss should always take care of the mood in the team. This is his direct responsibility. After all, when people work together, it is much easier to achieve excellent results.

In addition, hatred often arises on the part of workers towards management. Like, he buys himself a Lexus with our money, and we barely live from paycheck to paycheck.

You have to work at work. When you are not satisfied with something at a particular enterprise, you can try to change the situation. If this doesn't work out, you can always find a new job. Being a good professional in your field, you are not dependent on the organization. Therefore, stop participating in intrigues, conspiracies and other non-work activities. Start working, gain experience and become a specialist who does his own work.

Home Hate

In my humble opinion, the worst option is when this feeling settles in the family. Anger on the part of a mother or son can be disastrous. Relatives and friends stop communicating because of funny situations.

A friend of mine became a victim of her own mother’s hatred. The woman kicked my friend out of their shared apartment. It was all about the money that could be earned by selling half of the apartment. The mother did not work, lived in a huge townhouse, received money from a man, but it was not enough for her. She wanted more. And then the idea came to her to sell their apartment, in which my friend and her fiance lived. Today they don’t talk, the mother says nasty things about her daughter to the whole family.

This is one of the reasons for discord in the family - money. Parents and children can ruin their relationship forever over an apartment. I don’t know of a more petty and stupid reason. But such stories happen on every corner. Sharing. Everyone wants to grab a bigger piece. It is in situations like these that our relatives are tested.

One of my friends initially agreed with her husband during the divorce that she would provide and help her daughter in every possible way, and he would be responsible for his son. All. Thus, they completely negated the possibility of squabbling over property, inheritance and other monetary conflicts.
You can always find a way out. It all depends on the people themselves. If they have a desire to maintain warmth and harmony in relationships, then they will always find a solution to any situation.

Any negative emotion eats you up from the inside. So try not to give in to temptation.

If you don't like a person, just don't communicate with him or keep your relationship to a minimum. It is in your hands to cut down hatred in its infancy.

And, most importantly, do not give in to provocations. Do not respond with aggression, do not swear and do not get involved in scandals.

There will always be individuals who, without a twinge of conscience, will show aggression and obvious antipathy towards you. Mostly, ill-wishers and envious people surround you in the workplace, because there everyone is fighting for a place in the sun and for the favor of their superiors. However, open confrontation is less dangerous and fraught with consequences than a hidden threat. Surely you, too, may have colleagues who despise you, but remain with a diplomatic expression on their faces.

Why do you need to hide hatred?

Hiding true feelings in the workplace helps workers in behind-the-scenes intrigue. In a large group, people will never openly show hostility towards someone. They are simply afraid of getting into trouble or jeopardizing their own career. However, on the sly, such people are able to bring a lot of trouble to the object of their hostility. They love to commit mean things while remaining with an untarnished reputation, manipulate other people and talk behind your back.

“Aware means armed”

If you don't want to become part of a corporate intrigue, you should know some signs that a person has hidden hatred towards you. Advice from psychologists: even if you identify an ill-wisher, remain loyal to him. Don't avoid this person and remember the presumption of innocence. If you are sure that there are no envious people in the office, try to be sensitive to the needs of all your colleagues, be optimistic, welcoming and friendly.

Reliable strong connections with colleagues will be useful in the future. And healthy and strong relationships in the workplace and a relaxed, friendly atmosphere help all team members to be more effective and productive.

Healthy relationships in a team versus behind-the-scenes games

Business speaker Michael Kerr says this: When all colleagues treat each other equally well, everything becomes much easier. Each member of the team feels that there is a shoulder nearby that, if something happens, they can lean on. In any case, in a team with healthy relationships, it is easier to ask for favors from colleagues or receive favors. Moreover, people themselves will offer you a helping hand. We have now described the ideal model of relationships in a team. What to do if your workplace is far from ideal, or you suspect something is wrong? Here are 19 clear signs that your coworker secretly hates you.

1. Your intuition says it.

Perhaps it's just an obsession. However, most often our intuition does not let us down. If you think that someone dislikes you, it may well be true. In any case, a person may treat you completely differently from how he treats other members of the team. And it gives you a lot to think about.

2. He doesn't smile in your presence.

Now we are not talking about a bad day or a sudden change in mood. If your colleague systematically or consciously does not smile in your presence, then something is going wrong.

3. He can't maintain eye contact with you.

Psychologists say: it is difficult to look someone in the eyes if you do not have warm feelings for the person or, at least, respect. Have you noticed that one of your colleagues avoids eye contact with you during a conversation? They are simply afraid to show hostility towards you in their gaze. Such people take the path of least resistance: they turn away or avoid you.

4. Your colleague is avoiding you.

Sometimes strange situations happen. You enter the elevator and notice a co-worker walking behind you. You wait for him, but he prefers to go up the stairs. He's avoiding you.

5. He spreads rumors

This unprofessional behavior is unfortunately not uncommon in the workplace. A person only likes to spread rumors about people he really doesn't like.

6. He doesn't notice your presence.

When you come to the office, this person will never say “Good morning” to you. He will not even stoop to routine, meaningless phrases. This ignoring may also be evidence of his dislike.

7. The person answers questions too dryly

Of course, he will not be able to ignore your questions. Corporate ethics does not allow this. Ask such a person “How are you doing,” and in response you will hear a short “Fine.” If you receive business correspondence from such a person, be sure that it does not begin with a greeting.

8. He sends nonverbal negative signals.

When such a person sees you, he may involuntarily look away or grimace and roll his eyes. He is constantly closed to you: his arms are intertwined and his legs are crossed. Also, your colleague may deliberately not take his eyes off the monitor the moment you enter the office.

9. He never invites you to social events.

You will never expect such a person to invite you to a business lunch or corporate meeting.

10. A colleague has a habit of communicating via email.

Even if you are in the same room, it would be an unaffordable luxury for him to approach you with a request. He will simply send you an email. Have you noticed a shift in communication towards the digital format? This is a sure sign.

11. He constantly disagrees with you

All your ideas are perceived with hostility. Very often such a person may not allow you to finish your sentences. He interrupts you and has his own point of view on everything. Even if he understands that you have proposed a great idea, he will never deviate from his principles. His hatred is too strong.

12. This person is not interested in your personal life.

Your colleague can chat casually during a break with other colleagues about his personal life, family and children. Only in conversations with you he never brings up these topics. He simply doesn't care about your personal life.

13. You are not one for casual conversation and jokes.

This person can spend hours amusing other colleagues with casual jokes and anecdotes. Only friendly laughter is always heard behind your back. You are not one of the elite. He just doesn't feel comfortable around you.

14. He steals your ideas

Seeing you as a competitor, such a person will try to draw attention to himself. Therefore, at every opportunity, he will use your ideas and pass them off as his own.

15. He takes on unauthorized power.

Such an employee may give himself powers that do not exist. For some reason he decided that he could give you orders.

16. He creates factions

You may feel like you're in one of the Mean Girls scenes. You will never be part of one of the office groups.

17. You can't trust him

You share information with your colleagues for review, but this person can always use the received data against you.

18. His favorite method of interaction is defensiveness

You feel that a deep wall of mistrust is growing between you and this person. Or your colleague is doing nothing but building defensive redoubts around himself. No less than he prepared for the Cold War.

19. Your job is not a priority for him.

Another big sign that eloquently indicates that your colleague does not like you. Your worries and problems will never be at the top of his list of priorities. He will never treat your work with the same level of urgency as other colleagues.

It should be pretty obvious when someone hates you, right? But before you enter into a real conflict, make sure that someone's hatred is sincere. These steps will help you determine if someone hates you.

Steps

Think back to the last social event you attended with this person and ask yourself the following questions: “Did he say anything rude, disparaging, or demeaning to me?” “Was he annoyed by the fact that I was talking to him?” “Does he feel more contempt for me than mercy?” If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then this person probably hates you, but read on to be one hundred percent sure. Relationships are rarely simple.

Notice how he behaves. If he feels comfortable and comfortable only in your surroundings, then there is a chance that he does not feel contempt for you. For some reason, he is probably simply ashamed to openly communicate with you in the company of his friends. Test his behavior in different environments. Perhaps there is no hatred as such; rather, he is biased and imaginary towards you.

Does he act up a lot? If he treats you well one day and badly the next, and other people treat you without respect when they are in a bad mood, then this person is simply capricious, and he has chosen you as an easy target for expressing his flirtatiousness .

Are you an intentional victim? Don't become a victim. Unless you have done something bad to this person, there is no reason on earth why you deserve punishment from him. Therefore, address him directly and loudly in front of everyone else next time. Don’t take a defensive posture, act fragile: “Why does it seem like that to you? This dress belonged to my mother, she died exactly a year ago.” After this, even if he hates you, no one around him will share his point of view in the future. If you have somehow offended this person, then approach him and ask for forgiveness. Nothing will happen to you if you admit your mistake. If you can't be friends, then at least agree not to treat each other badly.

Don't try to please everyone. You will always have friends and family, but not everyone will like you, and not everyone will like you.
Don't let him influence you badly due to hatred or anything else.
Make sure this person really hates you before you do anything.
Don't create drama.

Warnings

Don't pay too much attention to him. If he hates you, then even so, perhaps he is simply not worthy of your friendship.
Don't start arguing for no particular reason. If possible, avoid any confrontation.
Don't let anyone's hatred encroach on the peace of your heart. Forgive and forget.

Hello everyone, readers of my blog!

The mood went downhill - I decided to try myself here. I will write and share my opinion about the famous statement of Mourinho " If you love, That You-good, If you hate, That You-best!"

Probably 99 percent of the people reading this now have not achieved what Mourinho achieved. And this is not an insult, but a fact. In my opinion, Mourinho is the BEST coach in the history of football. This scoundrel who is Hated has achieved everything he can. He knows how to take pressure off players and transfer it to himself. He can change the formation right during the game and play closed football, and then open up and completely finish off the opponent. In short, if you play against Chelsea tactically, it is very, very difficult to beat this team. But we will talk about his psychology and perhaps we will reach our goal - to understand what is going on in the head of this genius.

Judging by his biography, we can say that he literally proved this statement throughout his career. At first he just lifted clubs and won trophies with him, but now he does the same thing, making statements that make many people boil. They start to hate him. I asked people who support Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal. They just consider him a terrible coach and tactician. But they're just funny! I won't say how many trophies Jose won and why they shouldn't say that. Please note that he seems to be deliberately, and in some places he is, to arouse hatred among those around him. This is an insane coach and I can't stop praising him.

After finishing his playing career, Mourinho began coaching, first joining the coaching staff of various Portuguese clubs (working most under the leadership of Bobby Robson). He himself comes from a football background. He is the son of football goalkeeper Felix Mourinho. Throughout the history of his coaching career, he coached 12 different teams. Not bad huh? And it’s easy to guess that more than half of these clubs are incredibly grateful to him.

The winning percentage of teams under his leadership is 67 percent.

What was I leading to? I call on all fans of Arsenal, Liverpool, Manchester United, MS, etc. understand and stop writing some nonsense about Mournya. You don't make him angry in any way, he just enjoys it.

Guys, write your opinions. Don't judge strictly - I wrote it in a hurry after watching old Porto matches. If it comes in, I’ll write every day. Thank you.

Mourinho on himself: “I like to test myself. When I started working with Porto, they had not won anything for many years. When he moved to Chelsea, he had not won the league for 50 years. Inter have not won the Champions League for 45 years. Challenges like these give me motivation...

How to tell if someone hates you

Causes

A separate topic is manifestations of hostility on the part of a group of people. Here it must be said that collectively people do not like those who deviate from general ideas about how a representative of a certain society should look, behave and think. The underlying reasons may be envy, which arises if a person stands out in talent or appearance among others or, for example, dissatisfaction with behavior (admit to yourself whether you have ever offended people, ridiculed or set them up in some way).

What to do to correct the situation

When you have decided on the reasons for hatred, you need to determine a strategy for behavior in this situation. In fact, there are several ways to respond to hostility:

Ignoring. You leave everything as it is and simply do not pay attention to the current situation. Such an attitude is possible if the hostility of this person (people) does not affect you and does not at all interfere with effective interaction.
Confrontation. You also begin to hate and do everything to harm. Life according to the principle of “blood for blood.”
Conformism. You try with all your might to please people who dislike you, curry favor with them.
Cooperation. In this case, it will be expressed in the fact that you admit your wrongdoings if you are really guilty, and your “enemy” does the same, and in the future you are in the relationship in which you are comfortable (it is not necessary to start loving each other).

What to do if they hate you? Do you consider yourself a bad person? This means that it is quite natural that everyone will hate you. Why be surprised? You deserve it - you'll get it! Do you consider yourself a good person? Many even openly and completely sincerely tell you the same thing? Wonderful! But be prepared for the fact that even those who sincerely consider you a ray of light in this corrupt and embittered world will feel hatred towards you.

The thing is that even the saints and the kindest people in history always had “well-wishers” who hated them with fierce hatred.

WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE HATES?

There are 2 options for behavior. The only question is which one to choose as optimal in each individual case.

2. Not everyone is on the same path...

When everyone around you hates you, it seems that finding a job or organizing your personal life is simply impossible. Often, universal hatred is only a product of a person’s low self-esteem. Due to life problems or a bad childhood, a person believes that he is not worthy of a better attitude towards himself. Moreover, he thinks that everyone around him condemns him, considers him a worthless worker and an uninteresting interlocutor. As a result, self-esteem slides even lower, and all the people around seem to specifically treat the person with skepticism and deliberate hatred.

Of course, these are just stupid prejudices. They can't just hate everyone around them. Most likely, a person screws himself up because of unnecessary complexes and far-fetched shortcomings. To cope with such a specific attitude, you need to consult a psychologist. He will tell you how to overcome the problem and regain love for yourself. When a person loves himself, and people around him begin to treat him better. In such a person you feel confidence and good spirits, he is independent and free, you want to communicate with him. A psychologist will definitely suggest ways to combat low self-esteem. There are many options here, from self-impact on self-esteem to professional intervention.

Sometimes a person thinks that any mistake he makes becomes a reason for hatred from others, although no one even pays attention to it. This is also a product of low self-esteem, which should be addressed immediately. If a person is so insecure, he will never be happy in the future. That is why, for the sake of your own happiness and well-being, you need to start an active fight against your own complexes and cockroaches now.

Quite often people are tortured by hatred and basic indifference. By the way, living with indifference is much more difficult, because it seems that a person is unworthy of any reaction, whether positive or negative. It is important here to draw boundaries and boundaries between hatred and indifference. If everyone around is indifferent to a person, then this is even more difficult, because people, most likely, do not experience absolutely any emotions. If a person does not evoke any emotions in those around him, then he is boring, uninteresting, passive. It is almost impossible to cope with such a reaction from others. It is much easier to fight hatred, even in its most extreme situations. That is why there is no need to despair at manifestations of universal hatred. There are a huge number of ways to combat general dislike. A person can qualitatively solve all the problems associated with hatred in a team and become the soul of the company. He just needs to make a little effort and regain public trust and love.

Generalizations and conclusions

It is sometimes easier to win back the favor of a crowd than one person. If you want everyone around you to stop hating you and suddenly love you, it’s worth putting at least some effort into it. For example, you can work on your behavior, think about the mistakes that were made. Sometimes a person himself does not notice how he begins to introduce himself incorrectly. He speaks too pretentiously, lies too openly and tells everyone about it.

You can restore everyone's goodwill with the help of basic psychological advice. In most cases, they very effectively fight against the dislike of society. Psychologists advise listing on a piece of paper your possible shortcomings that may cause public dislike. Next, it’s worth analyzing them and deciding how to deal with them.

You can also ask advice from others, find out why they have dislike and condemnation. It is possible that prejudice can be overcome, but to do this you need to work on your character. The main thing to remember is that there are no insurmountable problems, especially for those people who want to develop and change.

Dealing with hatred is not at all difficult, unlike general indifference. By making at least a minimum of effort and working on his character, a person can change his own destiny for the better.

Kingdom of Hate

Getting advice on how to deal with this situation depends on what you ultimately want to achieve. Let's take a closer look at this feeling in various stories.

Hate in educational institutions

Work environment

In addition, hatred often arises on the part of workers towards management. Like, he buys himself a Lexus with our money, and we barely live from paycheck to paycheck.

Home Hate

Any negative emotion eats you up from the inside. So try not to give in to temptation.

If you don't like a person, just don't communicate with him or keep your relationship to a minimum. It is in your hands to cut down hatred in its infancy.

And, most importantly, do not give in to provocations. Do not respond with aggression, do not swear and do not get involved in scandals.

No one is spared from problems that often arise due to the fault of other people. But when this happens too often, even love can turn into hate. It doesn’t matter whether it is justified or not, it is important what to do when this terrible feeling becomes an integral part of life, destroying it to the ground.

How does hatred arise?

Nothing destroys life more than hatred of another, oneself or the world around us. It fills everything, because this feeling is so strong that others simply fade in front of it. And that is why it is so difficult to deal with it, because when it occurs, it is like a powerful fire that cannot be extinguished with a simple bucket of water, for this you will need a whole tank. And the whole point is that it arises from the backlog of negativity that a person mindlessly accumulates inside himself all his life.

It seems to us that if we do not respond to offenders or do it in a cultural way, so that others do not think badly of us and say that we are bad, then all the negativity that was poured on us will simply be forgotten and disappear. But this is not true at all. It’s just that our psyche is designed in such a way that it helps us forget the bad so that we can survive, only it does not disappear anywhere and is waiting in the wings.

And at that moment, when something similar happens from the bad things that have already been experienced, all the negativity that has not been experienced, comprehended and released immediately emerges from the depths of memory. It's like old clothes that are stored in a closet, from where they constantly fall out as soon as they try to put another pair of old trousers in there. And if there are too many of these things, they will overwhelm you so much that you won’t be able to breathe.

Therefore, psychologists unanimously urge not to brush aside your feelings, not to try to always be calm and balanced, cultured and well-mannered. Any emotions require release and comprehension. In order not to clutter the soul, they need to be accepted, experienced and released, and not put aside in a far corner so that they quietly rot and poison everything around. All the same, the moment will come when you need to free yourself from them, since they simply will not allow you to live normally. And it is not surprising that a mass thrown into distant and dark corners, consisting of various negative emotions, constantly restrained by willpower, turns into something unpredictable, deadly and corroding from the inside, such as hatred.

So remember, the emergence of hatred is much easier to prevent than to fight it. And to do this, you need to get rid of it even when the first shoots of this feeling arise, at the moment when resentment and the desire to destroy the offender, to cause him the same pain as he does to you, instantly arises in your soul in response to someone’s actions.

This can be done if you train yourself to respond to any provocations, insults and threats, either immediately, depending on who’s reaction, or after some time, after realizing that the person has offended and caused pain. And it doesn’t matter whether he did it intentionally or on purpose, having become accustomed to testing the strength of those who failed to put him in his place in time.

It is important to understand that rage, resentment and anger arise solely from the pain we feel from someone's words, actions or behavior. Because he behaves badly or incorrectly in our opinion. We experience so much powerful emotions, when we feel danger and threat, and instincts at this moment try to protect us. They don't care, the threat comes from physical pressure or moral.

And if a person suppresses the subconscious desire to protect himself, he does not get rid of the feelings that have arisen, directing them to the one who poses a threat, but locks them inside, thereby creating a breeding ground for the development of hatred, which, having reached a critical mass, will later simply sweep away from the path all attitudes, rules of decency and attempts to convince oneself that wishing harm to another is ugly, bad and fraught with problems.

Because hatred is hidden grievances that you failed to protect yourself, defend your interests, and allowed someone to humiliate you and cause pain. People don't try to understand what caused this. Instead, they try to pretend that everything is normal, believing that such self-neglect is justified by the fact that if they dare to defend themselves, they will suffer even more. After all, most often those who offend are those who feel their power over others: bosses, men, parents, friends or girlfriends who are sure that nothing will happen to them for this, strangers.

That is why hatred so easily poisons human souls. She has a place to roam, since resentment and pain do not disappear anywhere, since they are not returned to the one who gave birth to them, fearing that they will be fired, abandoned, judged, laughed at, considered bad or rejected. Only in this case, fears are fears, but the soul demands protection of its living space, honor and dignity, and collapse occurs. On the one hand, it’s scary to fight back, but on the other, rage bursts from your chest, wanting to find a way out. And not finding it, it disappears into the depths of the soul, where over time it accumulates so much that it easily transforms into a desire for revenge, no matter who.

His target can be the person himself who failed to defend himself, the one who is weaker, in order to take it out on him for others, because this is not so scary. Either all the world, which is easy to criticize and throw mud at, since people simply won’t think that someone’s grumbling and dissatisfaction, which does not seem to concern them, actually poisons their life.

True, such a state of mind eats up the person himself, preventing him from moving forward and enjoying life. In attempts to protect himself from even greater pain, to please his fears, not to show his true attitude towards some comrades (what if they say hysterical or sick), a person sinks more and more into the abyss of helplessness, which only helps to cultivate hatred and obscures everything else that is really important and necessary.

What to do if you hate

It is possible to get rid of any feeling that interferes with your life when you have found the source that feeds it. Having eliminated the cause, it is much easier to cope with the consequences. In addition, this will allow you to forget once and for all about what tormented you and did not allow you to breathe deeply. When a person is struggling with the consequences of any disease, he feels relief only for a while, but until the cause of the disease is eliminated, it will not disappear anywhere, it will only subside for a while. And then, if you don’t deal with it completely, it will stop disappearing altogether, even for a while. Likewise, with negative feelings, without understanding the source, it will not be possible to solve the problem.
Think about why this person or this situation is hateful. Remember everything that preceded this, when you realized that you hate, what was the impetus for its emergence. Try to look at it with different eyes.
Be sure to learn to find the weak points of such rude people who suffer from low self-esteem, remember that they are always afraid of force, both physical and moral, and put them in their place. It doesn't matter whether you do it right away or after some time. After all, people react differently to what is happening, and if one instantly feels that they are trying to humiliate, trample or use him, another may understand this after some time. You have been hurt and it is your right to respond to it at any time and in any form. True, it is better if you simply say that such behavior, words, questions or actions are unpleasant to you and in the future you would not want this to happen to you.
To get rid of hatred, it is worth considering whether the hatred itself and the person who provoked it are really worthy of your time, your energy and the strength that you will spend on it. Is it really better to give up your own achievements in order to waste time and health, continuing to feel hatred for someone who is already deprived of reason and conscience, because of which he already has a bad life in the world, or this, most likely, will happen soon.

Photo: what to do if you hate

Anyone who is used to taking care of himself, loves himself and values his time and health will never waste time on such a useless and harmful feeling as hatred. Of course, he experiences pain and disappointment, he is offended and unpleasant, but he has learned to immediately talk about it, and not accumulate all this negativity so that it turns into hatred that will destroy his life. Don't allow yourself to tolerate what makes you uncomfortable, and you will be able to deal with any negative feeling, leaving it to someone who dares to hurt other people.