That's why you have to be selfish. Love yourself and become selfish. I'm sorry I worked so hard

One woman worked in a hospice for many years. Her duty is to alleviate the condition of dying patients. Thus, she literally spent her last days and hours with them. From her observations, she compiled a kind of rating of the main regrets of people who have approached the very edge of life.

So, the 5 most common regrets of dying people:

1. I regret that I did not have the courage to live the life that was right for me, and not the life that others expected of me.

This is the most common regret among people. When people realize that their lives are almost over, they can look back and easily see what dreams they had left unfulfilled. Most people barely attempted to achieve even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was only because of the choices they made or didn't make.

It is very important to try to realize at least some of your basic desires in your life's journey. From the moment you lose your health, it is too late to do anything. Health brings that freedom that very few understand until they lose it.

2. I'm sorry I worked so hard.

Every male patient I have cared for has had this feeling. They missed their youth and their relationships. Some women also expressed such regret. But since most of them were of the older generation, they basically did not earn money for the family. All the men I worked with deeply regretted spending so much of their lives doing repetitive work to earn a living.

By simplifying your lifestyle you can reduce the income requirements you think you need. By creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new possibilities.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people have suppressed their feelings in order to maintain certain relationships with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became the person they wanted to be. The occurrence of many diseases was associated with feelings of bitterness and indignation.

We cannot control the reactions of others. Although people may initially react to the changes you make in a relationship in a way that is not what you want, it will ultimately take the relationship to a new, healthier level. It is best to eliminate unhealthy relationships from your life one way or another.

4. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.

Often these people really did not even realize the full benefit of keeping in touch with their old friends until several weeks before their death, and it was no longer possible to find them. Many have become so caught up in their own lives that they have let their friendships pass them by for many years. There were many deep regrets that their friendship was not given the time and effort it deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they die.

Any person leading an active lifestyle tends to downplay the importance friendly relations. But when you are on the verge of death, the material aspects of life lose their meaning. Of course, people want their financial affairs to be in as good order as possible. But it is not money or status that ultimately retains its meaning. They want to bring some benefit to those they love. But usually they are already too sick and tired to somehow cope with this task.

5. I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.

This type of regret was surprisingly common. Many did not fully understand that their happiness is a matter of choice. They were subject to habits and established ideas. They were captivated by the “comfort” of their usual way of life. Because of their fear of change, they pretended to others and to themselves that they were happy with their lives.

“Live for yourself” is a scary phrase for many. The consequences are known: vice, debauchery, degradation. And somewhere there, right along a slippery slope. But one day I admitted to myself that my life often does not belong to me. That there are so many “shoulds” and so few “wants” in it. A sense of duty lay like a stone slab on my dreams and plans, and I kept trying to pass them off as tablets.

And I decided - enough is enough! I'm tired of turning my soul and life into a radioactive waste dump. I’m tired of explaining, like a timid supplicant, shuffling my foot, how I dared to put my interests above the interests of others. It's time to live for yourself. Choose joy over teeth grinding and self-hypnosis. Live by love, not by demand.

Thus began my outrageous, antisocial year in healthy selfishness mode. “Healthy” or better, “reasonable” - a saving clause, thanks to which those around me did not immediately recognize in me a renegade and a disruptor of the social order of things. After all, many are sure, first, chew ten iron loaves, stop ten iron shoes, have a hard time, and then, if you have enough strength and health, please, live for yourself.

But I started without delay.

Alone in the field.

It was scary at first. I was not ideologically savvy, and everything was based on a vague but firm belief that it would be better this way. It felt like I was going on a solo trip around the world on an inflatable banana. I didn’t know if my own skin could withstand the ninth wave of “Oughts”, someone’s expectations and projections. I didn’t want to become an outcast, labeling myself “Egoist,” even if he was reasonable. But I understood that for me this is the only path to freedom.

My plan became an attraction of unprecedented impudence for those around me. After all, I left the game in which it is forbidden to challenge the right to one’s own life. I stopped apologizing for my desires and plans, making excuses and feeling guilty for wanting to be happy, calm and in charge of my own time.

From a vest to a spacesuit.

First of all, I decided to solemnly turn off the tap from which complaints, lamentations, dreary monologues and hateful tirades flowed into my life. I love my relatives, adore my girlfriends, value my colleagues and respect my elderly neighbors. But this does not mean that their many-hour confessions in the style of “how scary it is to live,” “everyone is in shit, and I’m in a white tuxedo,” or “imagine, this bastard never called me back” should be part of my life. I took down the “energy donor” sign on my door. Reception 24 hours a day. And it became an act of civil disobedience. How! Aren't you interested in the details of someone's family life, illness, blues or Manilov's plans? Don't you want to listen to your friend's record playing about her (once again) broken heart? Witch! Burn her! When I gently but decisively interrupted attempts at decadent outpourings with the words: “It seems to me that this topic is not pleasant for either you or me. But tell me about it better.”, My heart sank in horror. I thought that now insults and accusations of spiritual callousness would begin to pour in. But, surprisingly, my willingness to listen about good things was a signal to remember this good thing and start talking about it. And most importantly, it freed me from the habit of complaining and whining. After all, having refused to listen to gloomy stories, I myself no longer wanted to write and tell such stories.

Yes, I'm telling you no.

Then came the hardest part. Start using the unethical, profane word “no.” Usually I agreed to any more or less tearful request. Shyness, reinforced by the fear of offending, turned me around as it pleased. It was embarrassing to destroy the image that I created in the eyes of others. So she fought in the snares that she herself had set. But as soon as the first serious “no” left my tongue, I was unstoppable. My friends were shocked as if I had swallowed a live rabbit before their eyes.

I dreamed of living according to the principle of “Drama Club, Photo Club, and for me also Sing Hunt,” but in reality I spent all my free time working on a voluntary, weak-willed basis. She replaced deputies, replaced shift workers, took someone's relatives from Ukhta shopping, sat with the children of her idle friends while they were marinating in spa salons, walked ficus trees and watered dogs. From an errand boy you can easily rise to a galley slave. But I said no to this tempting career.

Everybody's Free!

The statement “Nobody Owes Anyone Anything” sounds good, but in practice it is hardly feasible. Giving up the role of an eternal debtor, obliged to give in and please, was not as difficult as stopping herself from demanding and encroaching on the free will of other people. Almost like Pelevin, I was ready to carry a safety pin with me and stab myself every time I began to command someone’s life, thinking that I knew better.

My relationship was also in debt. They wasted away from mutual “I am everything to you, and you are nothing to me.” After all, expectations and demands can bleed both love and friendship. I solved this inequality as in mathematics. Accepted the conditions as necessary and sufficient. I stopped begging for handouts for my ego and freaking out that my lover wasn’t playing according to my script. One day I entered the battlefield of our egos as a truce. We sat in the kitchen all night, drank three liters of coffee, talked honestly about everything and in the morning signed a pact recognizing each other’s right to be ourselves. We simply escaped from the dusty stage of the eternal drama. To freedom, to the pampas.

Now, as soon as resentment sets in that someone didn’t care, didn’t pay attention, didn’t fulfill a request, although it seems like they should, I whisper, like a mantra: “everyone is free! Connections, not chains.

The desire for recognition and the fear of being rejected are insidious things. All my life I have accumulated acquaintances, as if, in fear of the cold, I threw one cotton blanket after another over myself. And at some point I felt that I could barely breathe. They suffocated me, did not allow me to move, lulled me to sleep, put me to sleep. And how can you get rid of them, because they are so warm and cute. But a reasonable egoist is not afraid to be socially naked, does not hide from life behind the backs of numerous semi-friends and nannies - relatives. And to the question “how many friends do you have on VKontakte?” he calmly answers: “two.” Become your own best friend, be interesting, necessary, inspiring. After all, in essence, we are all alone. But the worst thing is when you don’t even have yourself.

Space for personal things.

Honestly, when I started my “Egocentric” year, I was preparing for splendid loneliness online and in reality. The contemptuous hiss of “Egoist”, like a Geiger counter, indicated a zone infected with misunderstanding. I moved further and further away from her, and my usual life seemed uninhabited and spacious. But nature does not tolerate emptiness. Very soon my microcosm was filled with things and people to whom I joyfully began to give away the self I had won with such difficulty.

The time saved from mediocre responsibilities and vampiric relationships is not at all a pity for those who really need it. And this is not a pose, and not charity. This is also selfishness. After all, I do this first of all for myself and my soul. I suspect that a reasonable egoist turns over time into a reasonable humanist. I myself am only at the beginning of this evolution, but the tail has already fallen off. Author Veronica Isaeva.

How to become selfish and a bitch in a relationship with a man. Bitchology

Don't love anyone and everyone will like you. Tell the whole world to hell, and they will admire you.

Barbra Streisand

Since childhood, I have been told that I need to be a good girl. I trusted adults and was obedient. But good girls have no luck. Have you noticed that boys pester excellent students only with requests to write off a test? In the eleventh grade, I finally got “lucky”: my first love and... my beloved moved on to a classmate. The first time the thought arose: “Something is wrong with me.” I grieved and decided that there was no point in drooling; it serves him right, and no one knows who was luckier. All men are bastards. The cat will shed the tears of a mouse. I didn’t understand, I didn’t appreciate my happiness. Further more. University: selfish fellow students, taking everything from life (and even more than everyone else!), bathed in male attention and love. And I, like a fool (now, however, I’m thinking: “Why HOW?!”), pulled the strap of the group leader and received my A’s. Third course. Universities always vigorously celebrate the “equator” – halfway through the study period. My man (no, still a boy), to whom that day I decided to give my virginity, kisses in the corridor... a classmate. And then I couldn’t stand it. Bitches, prostitutes - why are they so attractive to men? Why do they, along with our men, laugh at us? Why are they lucky and not me? Why do they get a job? Good work and choose men themselves? This was not clear to me. I, like many, wanted everything at once, as in women's novels and TV series: smart and rich gentlemen, a dizzying career, admiring glances and beautiful courtship, travel and expensive gifts. Do you think anything worked out? Hell no! It didn’t work out until I realized that only bitches have all this (it’s just that the “walkers” “go into circulation” quite quickly). While I was diligently studying history and literature, my fellow bitches were studying a completely different science: how to use the weaknesses of other people to benefit themselves, their beloved. They learned to seduce and flirt, apply makeup, and drink in the end. They learned to be interesting, but I remained just as boring and predictable. That evening, abandoned by my loved one, I cried from resentment and injustice. Disheveled, with running mascara, I went to the window and howled: about wasted time and a mother who didn’t teach me how to be a bitch; I cried for a good girl who, like a snake’s skin, peeled off me that night along with pain and memories. I decided to become a bitch. Since then my life has changed. I changed it myself, not hoping for a successful marriage, rich lovers or inheritance. At that moment I realized that my life, my happiness are only in my hands. And no one, by and large, cares about me.

An egoist man demands increased attention to his person, wants instant fulfillment of his whims, without thinking about the feelings of other people. It is not difficult to recognize the signs of an egoist; you just need to take a closer look at the behavior in a certain situation. This character trait is inherent in every person, but in normal people egocentricity is balanced by other qualities.

Characteristic signs of an egoist man:

• irresponsibility towards others: it is impossible to rely on him - his own requests come first, which means he will ignore your requests if he does not see personal benefit in them;
• a selfish guy does not bother to apologize, his narcissism and pride do not allow him to admit mistakes, even if he is really wrong;
• other people's opinions do not matter, he cannot make joint decisions and is not interested in other people's thoughts;
• male egoism in relationships manifests itself through emotional violence: a partner can morally humiliate and verbally offend his partner, but no apology can be expected;
• Selfish people do not know how to express their feelings openly - they do not see the need for this, but they expect increased attention and care from their other half.

If a man shows signs of an egoist, then it will be very difficult to build a normal relationship with him. Before starting an affair or deciding to marry the owner of a hypertrophied ego, you should think many times about whether you are mentally prepared for the upcoming difficulties of re-education, and whether you can accept it if your efforts do not give the desired result.

Selfishness is the desire to satisfy only one's own needs, regardless of the desires and interests of other people. In modern consumer society, manifestations of selfishness and greed are common. They are the norm for many people, helping them to receive as many benefits as possible. The consequence of such behavior can be a feeling of loneliness.

Selfishness in relationships causes particular difficulties. It has become a pressing problem that occurs everywhere, both between young people who have just started dating, and between husbands and wives who have been married for more than one year. The explanation of the phenomenon lies in the desire of the other party to focus all the attention on oneself, the unwillingness to take into account the opinion of the partner, the desire to obtain the maximum of material and intangible values. Such a person puts his own interests and feelings above all else. He doesn't show concern for his other half. Gradually the relationship turns into a consumer one.

Some experts believe that there should be reasonable selfishness in relationships. You cannot allow another person to wipe your feet on you.

It is important to separate the two concepts. Self-love is also acceptable in relationships between a woman and a man. The ratio of love and selfishness should be such that partners respect each other’s opinions, interests, habits, and can find a compromise if a dispute arises.

How to become selfish and love only yourself. Part 1 The right attitude

Reconsider your views on the world. Today, selfishness is a negative concept. We all seek the common good and take the interests of others to heart. Keep your head up: selfishness and concern for people around you is not always justified. You can show your best qualities and make the world a happy place.

• Selfishness does not involve using other people. This does not mean that you should consider people as your servants. Selfishness is, first of all, an interest in one’s own goals. Selfishness has nothing to do with the world around us. A selfish person cannot hurt the feelings of others. He takes care of himself, and for this he does not need to hurt the feelings of others.
• Apart from your parents, no one is truly attached to you (even your parents sometimes conflict with you, their intentions still remain noble). This means that you are really on your own, so your priority is to put yourself first! This is not selfishness, this is simple logic.

Decide who you really are. Before you begin to act in your own interests, you need to understand your essence. There is no point in becoming selfish if you do not protect your interests from the whole world. There is no point in doing selfish things to be an outcast in your own home. If you want to become selfish, do it wisely!

• What makes you happy? What gets on your nerves? Do your ideas about yourself match your ideal “I”? Do you enjoy satisfying people's needs? Creep under their feet? Command? Your role in specific situation determines your behavior. But if you're reading this article, you're probably being overly supportive.

Decide what is most important to you. You must act like an egoist in relation to specific things! Everything else depends on your mood. One day you may feel that you are ready to sacrifice yourself. But if, let's say, you're struggling to save money for a new computer, and your friend suggests that you lie down on the couch and binge eat, you need to determine the limit. Set your priorities!

• Life is a series of compromises. You cannot act selfishly towards all people, but you need to be selfish to protect your interests. If you don't want to sacrifice your health, money, time or property, think about whether these people are really important to you. Are you fed up with this? If so, take a firm stand. If not, rethink the current situation.

Identify the obstacles in your path. When you try to rationalize your selfishness, you will have to figure out what is stopping you from being who you dream of being. Of course, sometimes it’s worth eating leftovers from the holiday table (but no more than once), but we’re talking about serious things. What's stopping you from being happy? What do you need to get rid of, even at the cost of the interests of others?

• If a person or object is far from you, throw it out of your life. Your boyfriend wants to move to New York, but you're happy in California? Your mother wants to stay at home and become a teacher in kindergarten? Does your friend think you should get the same hairstyles? Only you know what can make you happy and what you will regret for the rest of your life. Live your life, not what others want from you.

There is no need to feel guilty. Numerous studies have shown that it is selfishness that gives us feelings of happiness, but only until we begin to feel guilty for our actions. But we should devote most of our time to ourselves. If we are only selfish about what really matters to us and try to improve ourselves, there is no point in feeling guilty. The question is closed.

• Make sure you are moving in the right direction. If you don't compromise, you will soon lose all your friends. Nobody wants to be around a girl who dictates the terms of the party, complains that the cake wasn’t tasty, but she won’t give anyone a piece because it’s her cake. It's not just selfish, it's very unpleasant.

How I became selfish and started living. Yes, I'm telling you no

Then came the hardest part. Start using the unethical, profane word “no.” Usually I agreed to any more or less tearful request. Shyness, reinforced by the fear of offending, turned me around as it pleased. It was embarrassing to destroy the image that I created in the eyes of others. So she fought in the snares that she herself had set. But as soon as the first serious “no” left my tongue, I was unstoppable. My friends were shocked as if I had swallowed a live rabbit before their eyes.

I dreamed of living according to the principle “drama club, photo club, and I also want to sing,” but in reality I worked all my free time on a voluntary, weak-willed basis. She filled in for deputies, replaced shift workers, took someone’s relatives from Ukhta shopping, sat with the children of her idle friends while they were marinating in spa salons, walked ficus trees and watered dogs. From an errand boy you can easily rise to a galley slave. But I said no to this tempting career.

How to become selfish and love yourself. How to learn to love yourself, but not become selfish?

Not long ago I read Vadim Zeland’s book “Transurfing - managing reality.” It describes ways to change your attitude towards the world, people and, above all, yourself. I cannot agree with everything that is said in his books, because if you live and act according to the principles set out in Zeeland’s works, you can become selfish and lose friends and loved ones.

But I found some rules very useful. They help me. I hope that they will help my dear readers too.

Transurfing rules

1. Allow yourself to be yourself, and others to be different!

That is: do not try to impose on another person (even the one who is dear to you and whom you love) your ideals, principles, views, your worldview and opinion. Don't try to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.

2. Don’t try to change yourself and fight with yourself, with your shortcomings!

That is: by changing yourself, you change yourself. You are cheating on your soul, but your soul knows what is best for you. Don't fight your shortcomings, but emphasize your strengths! If you don't focus on your shortcomings, they will disappear on their own! And if they don’t disappear, they won’t be so noticeable to you and others!

3. Always strive for unity of soul and mind!

The mind understands only words: beliefs, facts, theories, explanations! The soul does not hear your words, but it feels, the mind believes, and the soul knows! But knowledge is stronger and stronger than faith! Don't let your mind hinder the flight of your soul! Let the mind not prevent the soul from dreaming, wishing and wanting something, at first glance, impossible!

4. Do not fall under the influence of destructive pendulums!

Pendulums are bundles of energy. They are formed when the mental energy of several people is directed at something at the same time. All pendulums are destructive to one degree or another, but without them life is impossible. This is family, place of work, school. Don’t be a puppet of the pendulum, act in it consciously! Only by acting, living consciously, will you not fall under the influence of the pendulum (although you will give it part of your energy).

5. Many pendulums need to be gotten rid of; There are 2 ways for this:

• Pendulum failure. The bottom line is this: you ignore, don’t notice the pendulum, don’t pay attention to it, remain indifferent (for example, mockery, insults from classmates, colleagues, etc.). If the pendulum does not receive energy from you, it stops swinging, fades and ceases to exist!

• Pendulum damping. The bottom line is this: you react to the pendulum inappropriately! That is, unexpectedly, not as always. For example, you respond to the rudeness of a salesperson in a store with a smile or the phrase: “What, Tatyana Ivanovna, are you tired today, there’s no one to shout at, poor fellow!” Then the pendulum also does not receive energy from you and fades out!

6. Don't try to fight the pendulum!

By fighting the pendulum, you give it even more of your energy, you feed it well! Negative energy and the energy of conflict are the favorite dishes of pendulums! That is, by fighting against drugs with slogans, rallies, violent marches and protests, we get even more drugs!

7. Don’t try to control and restrain your emotions, control your attitude (toward a situation, someone, something).

That is: you can experience any negative emotions, but experience them consciously! Don't get caught up in them! For example, when you are angry, acknowledge it and say to yourself, “Oh yes, I am very angry!”

8. Big mistakes that you realized and, if possible, corrected, are less harmful than small mistakes you made unconsciously!

9. Don't tell your world what you don't want, tell it what you want!

That is: if you think (tell the world) about what you don’t want, are afraid of, don’t love, hate, it will appear in your life more and more often. And vice versa: if you tell the world (think) what you want, what you want for yourself, you will have it!

This happens because our world is a mirror. It reflects what you think about, regardless of what sign of mental energy is: plus or minus! For example, you say: “I don’t want rain!” The mirror of the world reflects the word “rain” and perhaps it will rain in your reality!

10. The world is exactly as you see it!

This rule follows from the previous one, from the fact that the world is a mirror! With whatever way of thinking (facial expression) you look at it, that’s what it turns out to be for you!

11. Rent yourself out while remaining flawless!

That is: try not to immerse yourself in the situation (work) with your head, act consciously, it’s better to make big mistakes than minor mistakes!

12. Know how to thank!

If you succeed in what you have planned, know how to rejoice and give thanks! It’s better to thank your guardian angel, but if you don’t believe in him, thank God, your world, the universe, but not fate! Rejoice and give thanks only sincerely! The world doesn't like falsehood.

13. Don’t expect quick results and don’t despair if you fail! Be prepared for defeat in advance!

14. Remember that the path to your goal may not be the way you want!

That is: everything may not go according to your plan (scenario), but this does not mean that everything is going badly! The world knows how and what needs to be done! The main thing is to achieve the goal! Don’t think about the way to achieve the goal, think about the goal itself, and the method will come to you!

15. Don’t forget that you cannot change the world, but you can only change the layer of your reality! Feel at home, but don't forget that you are a guest!

16. Remember, your world takes care of you! If he seems to have done you wrong, know that it could have been worse; the world saved you from the worst!

17. You don’t owe anyone anything and you’re not guilty of anything to anyone!

If you feel guilty, realize it, ask for forgiveness once and forget about feeling guilty! No one has the right to judge you, and don’t judge anyone yourself! Leave the “courtroom” with your head held high!

18. Let go of the situation! Be aware of yourself and your actions! Don't sleep in reality! Awaken your inner observer (inner caretaker)! If possible, look at the situation as if from an audience and remain its director!

19. Love yourself, then they will love you too!

20. Add to your attitude to the situation, if possible, a dose of healthy indifference!

21. Turn desire into intention and determination to possess something! After all, desires are not fulfilled, only intentions are fulfilled!

22. Do not try to use these rules against others and without their knowledge, otherwise the action of equilibrium forces will throw you into the worst layers of reality!

23. Choose and order what you need from the reality catalog!

24. Remember that the space of options is limitless. Anything is possible, there are no restrictions, just know how to wait!

June 17th, 2011

In case of emergency situations on an airplane, the rules of conduct say: “If you are flying with a child, in the event of an accident, you should first put the oxygen mask on yourself, and only then on the child.” Does this sound selfish? Does this principle only apply to airplanes? How often do you think about yourself first?

How do you feel when you are called selfish or selfish? Shame, awkwardness, indignation? It is unlikely that you are proud of this “nickname”. And why? Society puts many barriers in our way, the main ones being a sense of responsibility, empathy, self-criticism - wonderful qualities that sometimes drive us into a trap, because relying on them, it is so convenient to manipulate us.

“You don’t want to become selfish, do you?!” - we hear in childhood when we refuse to let another child play with his toy, who has just broken his own.

“You came again at 2 am. Could you think about me and your father? We’re climbing on the walls here with excitement!” - we hear, having matured, realizing from the voice of our parents that it is terribly bad to be selfish.

Over time, we so absorb this slogan “it’s shameful and wrong to be selfish” that we are able to not only “give away our dolls,” but even stop thinking about our desires, needs, health and well-being. Is it really that bad? become selfish and selfish?

Here are 6 reasons why it is necessary to become an egoist, an egoist

Become emotionally calm

If you constantly think about others, about whether you are doing well towards your loved ones, family, friends, colleagues, what others think about you, then over time you can become depressed, constantly feel stress and anxiety, which will certainly lead to a nervous breakdown.

An egoist, first of all, thinks about himself, and then about others, does not waste his nerves, time and energy; his own criteria for assessing his behavior, life, goals are more important to him, only his opinion and the opinion of people close and dear to him. He doesn’t waste energy trying to adapt to someone or take into account thousands of other people’s opinions, which is actually impossible. Therefore, he is in a state of mental well-being, and spends his strength and energy on achieving his goals, caring for loved ones, and enjoying life.

Exercises to become an egoist, selfish:

Make time for yourself. Sit in silence and solitude. Take paper, pen, pencil, markers. Divide the sheet into two parts. On the right, write “I think this is right for me.” This will include your personal rules of behavior, values, ideas about yourself, the world, relationships with others, principles, goals, ambitions, etc. On the left: “I consider this unacceptable for myself.” There will be something that you consider wrong, incorrect, unsuitable for you personally in your life.

These lists may change over time. And in order to become an egoist, an egoist, you are not obliged to adhere to these lists and fulfill them absolutely precisely; you decide this at each specific moment in time. Moreover, other people are not obliged to carry them out; you need to be aware that these are only your ideas and ideas about your life.

Lack of guilt and shame.

Imagine that you are going on a long-awaited vacation, but there is an emergency at work. And you, feeling guilty before your superiors, who you are letting down, and ashamed before your colleagues, stayed at work. These feelings can cause our behavior to change so that we can no longer control our words and actions. And, as a result, we can do a lot of “stupid things.”

Guilt and shame are caused by lack of self-confidence, lack of respect and acceptance of one's own values, needs, goals and desires, as well as insufficiently positive self-esteem, which requires constant reinforcement from other people.

An egoist, having calmly apologized to his superiors and sympathized with his colleagues, would have gone to rest without feeling guilty or embarrassed. For him, his needs, values, desires are more important, and it doesn’t matter what others think and say. Because the most important thing is to be true to yourself, honest with yourself, and in solidarity with your own opinion.

Exercise:

Copy the following phrases by hand: “I have every right to live my own life, have my own opinion, and not depend on others for anything. And only I have the right to make claims against myself.” Hang this piece of paper near the mirror and every time it catches your eye, read everything that is written on it.

Positive attitude towards others.

“Love your neighbor as yourself” this famous biblical saying is interpreted in different ways, but the meaning remains the same: love yourself and only then will you be able to “truly” love others. Only a person who loves himself, who is confident in himself, who is confident in his abilities, will be able to give his love to others, and not vice versa.

If I love myself, love lives within me, and then I have something to give, and I give it of my own free will. It’s simple and natural for me to love. In another case, I love others because I owe it to my dad, mom, husband, society, and not because I want it.

Exercise:

Make time for yourself. Sit in silence and solitude. Take paper and pen and write a list of the positive qualities that you especially value in yourself. Make it a rule to praise yourself three times at the end of each hour.

Responsibility for yourself.

We are used to having decisions made for us and being “forced” to do something. First parents, then the team at work, spouse, children, circumstances, government. By allowing them to do this, we shift responsibility for our lives, successes and failures onto them. We expect all these people to take care of us, because they are responsible for our lives. Without receiving this care, we experience disappointment and resentment, anger and anger.

When making decisions based on your own interests, which may not coincide with the opinions of others, you have to bear responsibility for them yourself. And be responsible for failures and mistakes, the pain that our actions can cause. But this is our life. And how sweet it is to say: “I myself decided to do this, and I succeeded.”

Exercise:

Take a pen and paper and write down a list of things in your life that you were forced to do, forced to do, or had no other choice. On another sheet of paper, rewrite them, starting with the words: I decided/I chose...”

Read the entries several times, analyze the indignation they cause in you. And take responsibility for your life. Accepting responsibility for past mistakes and failures helps you let them go and move on to where you really want to go.

Become an egoist, an egoist for “unconditional self-acceptance.”

How often, when thinking about yourself, your life, or looking in the mirror, have you caught yourself thinking: “If I do this, then I will be good, attractive, attentive, interesting. Everyone has a list of such “ifs”. And any mistake or failure to fulfill any item on this list leads to remorse, self-criticism, soul-searching and a feeling of badness.

The egoist thinks to himself that he is good unconditionally, without any “ifs.” He allows himself to make mistakes, to do something wrong, to be weak, to be himself. Any person has the right to make a mistake, which does not mean that he is bad. The main idea of ​​the egoist: I have no shortcomings, I have features.

Exercise:

Sit in front of the mirror and say to yourself: “I am good,” thoughtfully realizing the meaning of these words until you feel a feeling of “goodness” in yourself. Pay attention to what thoughts and desires come to your mind at this moment. You can implement them. Maintain this feeling for as long as possible. If you lose it, sit in front of the mirror and repeat again.

Become an egoist, selfish in order to realize your capabilities and potential

Listening to the opinions of others, we often forget about our own opinions, our desires, our desires, goals, plans and dreams, we do not do what we want.

Parents choose what you should become, where to go to study, indicate what to do, what interests are more important to you, without paying attention to your desires and dreams.

Then you go to work in your profession, work from morning to evening at a job that you do not like at all. You understand that you are not doing your own business, not what you once wanted or dreamed of.

Exercise:

Write a list of your big and small desires, dreams and plans. Then, for each item, think through and write an implementation plan. Let this be the business plan of your desires.

Choose what you can do right now and do it without delaying until better times, because they may never come.

These “wants” can change, they can change right in the process of writing, and this is wonderful, it means they are alive, yours, you have not lost the ability to dream and desire. And if they don’t change, it means they’ve been waiting in the wings for a very long time.

These exercises " how to become selfish, selfish"will help you love yourself more, become stronger and more purposeful.

Alexey Chumakov

I think a little healthy selfishness won't hurt. You will love those around you only after you begin to love yourself. If you are not ready to help a person in need, this is bad. But if they demand too much from you, this is something else, when the person asking should think about his requests. This is selfishness from the outside: “Why do you devote so little time to me, why did you give me so little?! And so on. Love yourself and don't let them sit on your neck. To do this, just get up every morning in a good mood and say to yourself: “Hello, here I am!”

Do only what you want, and only when you want it!

An egoist is not someone who does not think about others. This is the one who thinks about himself first!

Dangerous, but even that is sometimes necessary. In this world, not everything is as simple as many people think. You need to think more deeply about such topics and engage in more introspection in order to understand the mechanisms of action of any life process. Egoists who go too far are doomed to failure, but you simply cannot be an altruist in the modern world, especially if the standard of living of your children or your significant other, your parents depends on your success.

It helps you find a nice job

When you are moderately focused on your convenience, you will not work at a job you hate, but will try to find ways to earn money so that you don’t have to get up at 6 in the morning. Selfishness motivates like nothing else. This is a great motivator for modern people. It very often helps to find more simple ways to obtain material benefits, saving you time and effort.

Saving time after a breakup

“Normal” egoists do not flatter themselves with hopes of restoration of love. They simply take from the relationship what they need. If they have outlived their usefulness and there is no point in pretending to be friends, then why communicate with a person at all. Here thoughts about your loved ones are very important, because you have a chance to get bogged down in these empty thoughts that the relationship can be revived. This applies to friendship too, as well as purely working, business relationships. If you know that a person is no longer capable of goodness towards you, why do you need him?

You can always tell a person “no”

When you are a little selfish, it is always much easier for you to refuse a request for help when it is really necessary. This again touches on the topic of altruism. You don't have to give yourself completely to those who don't care about you. When saying “no” doesn't make you feel bad in the right situations, it helps keep you energized, in a good mood, and positive.

Our dreams come first

When you think about yourself in moderation, your own dreams become a priority. This is how it should be - the ideal model of behavior in modern society is 90 percent of attention to yourself and 10 percent to others.

Enjoy your children's life

When you live with your significant other just so your children don't have to worry, it's not true. Living with a person you don't like is a total nightmare. It’s easier to call this way of life a meaningless existence. Yes, it will be difficult for the child in any case, but at least this way you won’t suffer.

Egoists are more attractive

When everything works out for you, when you know what you want, people are automatically drawn to you. Selfishness is not anathema if you know how to use it for its intended purpose. By fulfilling your dreams, you become brighter and ready for new achievements. Helping others is doubly pleasant.

Achieving Harmony

Internal balance is very important for a person, because without it, well-being and mood suffer. Moderate selfishness makes you loved by yourself. When you are filled with self-love, you are ready to share it with others. This is the first rule for those who are lonely and cannot find a soul mate - love yourself and do yourself a favor by thinking about yourself more often.

Strengthening authority

When you think more about yourself than your parents require, you become stronger and more influential. There is no need to go over your head and betray friends and loved ones for the sake of profit, but when you have an honest and real chance to take a higher position, then there is no point in giving it up.

Only the right relationships

Very often we show weakness and do not tell the person that we do not need his company. Thus, “dead souls” accumulate in our environment, who call themselves friends, but do nothing for you and to maintain friendship. They don’t call you, don’t write, don’t let you know. Such people should not exist.

Preservation of nerves

When everything is balanced in you, your nerves will always be in order. When things are bad, think about yourself, and not about problems related to work, school or anything else. Stop living for other people. If it makes you unhappy.

Luck will always be with you. If you know how to use selfishness for your benefit. It will even help you quit smoking, because it is costly from a financial point of view, and also spoils your health. With selfishness you can find love, get rid of addictions, and gain freedom. Don't forget that everything is good in moderation. Good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and

Dislike and non-acceptance of oneself, of course, grows out of childhood. We are taught from birth that we are not good enough. That we need to work on ourselves, correct here, improve there, be “more” than we really are - more purposeful, flexible, understanding. We are told what we should be. And this gap - between who we are and what we should be - creates a powerful source of anxiety that poisons life and leads to a complete misunderstanding of who I am and what I am really capable of.

Until we accept ourselves, we will not be able to accept others - with all their imperfections. We don't allow them to be stupid, weak, unsuccessful. And, by the way, we don’t allow ourselves either. It’s as if we cut ourselves and people in half: this, good and bright, I take, the rest is not necessary, change it, hide it.

Only when we learn to see ourselves as a whole, as a whole (somewhere good, somewhere not so good), begin to recognize and accept this, we see others as multifaceted and in their entirety, in some ways close to us, and in others strangers. And we give to ourselves and those around us, no better and no worse than others. Just the right to be different.

Long live healthy selfishness!

Accepting yourself means realizing your own worth, your full right to live, breathe, rejoice, suffer, make life choices, take care of yourself and others. This means being a healthy egoist. I emphasize - healthy. However, in our culture, any selfishness is condemned, so there are only a few people among us who truly accept themselves.

And never forget that you are the embodiment of something special, significant, something very important. The world needs you exactly as you are. Otherwise, there would be someone else in your place.